This Is Sad...

So here's my Stupid Score. It's kind of depressing, but at least I have room to improve.




In other news, I got the "Why on Earth would you want to be a preschool teacher? It's not like it's good money...You have to spend the whole day with kids...I can't stand them...blah blah blah." from a friend today. For the teachers out there, how do you deal with this stuff? I've tried explaining the mechanics of it..you know, social, emotional, etc. etc. etc. but they just look at me and laugh and go "Yeah but that's stupid. It doesn't really matter!" It always gets under my skin, always. My parents, boyfriend, friends, professors, and peers have all given me this same speech. It's frustrating but at the same time it makes me want to work even harder to prove them wrong. I have underlying reasons for doing this, as well as practical ones. I had a abuse ridden childhood and was an emotional train wreck. My social skills sucked and I had no self-control. In addition, my teachers ignored me when I told them about the abuse--I don't want this to happen to another kid. Although the reality is that it does and will continue to happen to kids, any kind of positive influence I can make on these kids will, in my humble opinion, help them throughout life. It may be a small and insignificant influence that I make on some kids, but every little bit helps, right? I have seen so many kids go into Kindergarten with little to no social skills, very little self-control and a few times I have seen children with no self-esteem. It's very hard to watch this and these kids struggle continuously throughout their lives. That is why I teach preschool.--so that this won't happen to many of the kids who pass through my classroom.

Fears...

Anybody have a fear of something that has affected their life in some way? I personally have a fear of big dogs. It doesn't matter how nice the dog is, I do not like them. I was bitten, pretty badly, when I was 5. The dog, a large dalmation that I had grown up with, bit through my jeans, through my skin, and down to the bone. The dog not only bit down to the bone, she chipped the bone. Ever since then I have a serious dislike for big dogs. Little dogs I'm better with, but that's partially because my parents adopted a small dog about 5 years after this incident happened. At first, I kicked the dog anytime it came within 3 feet of me. Over time, I began to accept smaller dogs. Though I'm still not a fan of big dogs, I enjoy little dogs. In fact, I want a beagle when I get my own place. So what's your fear?

Is it August Yet???

I can't wait for school to start again. I want to go back to college, go back to the job that I love doing, and not have to clean up after 3-(or 4, or even 5--depending on what day of the week it is) people. Plus, I've gotten the vibe more then once that I don't belong in this apartment. At least at college I have my own place and nobody makes me feel like I'm not welcome. I try and try and try to make everybody here happy and fail miserably. There's always something else that needs to be done, or something that isn't good enough, or maybe I didn't do enough-(according to the others), or I went to bed too early, or I spent to much time in my room "hibernating" and didn't socialize enough with the people who showed up at the door, or perhaps I just take things to personally and I need to learn to 'not be so sensitive'..the list goes on. I'm ready to punch the next person who tells me that I'm too sensitive. There are reasons I take some things personally. The people around me just don't seem to understand that--or maybe they just don't care. I do the things I do for a reason, but again--nobody bothers to listen to the reasons. They just say what they say and do what they do--then walk away like it's no big deal. Arguing against what they say in an effort to stand up for myself is a joke. I'm labeled as a bitch, PMSing, crabby, or just flat out ignored. I'm to the point now where I'm going to stay at college through the summer and just visit here, not live here. I can't do this for another summer--not unless some stuff changes--I don't want to put myself in a situation (again) where I have no way out. I guess the best thing to do is make the best of it till August and then write this whole moving for the summer thing off as a bad choice and a lesson learned.

My Dad...

My dad is awesome. I was reading a post at A Family Runs Through It-(link can be found to the left--towards the middle.) and it reminded me of just how cool my dad is. He basically raised my sister and I by himself. My mom decided she didn't want to be a mother when I was about 8...It reached it's peak when I was 13. 5 hell-filled years with her being a stay at home mom. Yeah, it sucked. But my dad was always there when he got home from work, no matter how tired he was, he always had time for us. I remember one time when I took a particularly bad beating from my mother and I just laid in my bed and cried. My dad, as sleep deprived as he was from working 2 jobs--one as a paramedic and the other as a word processor, got up--came to my room--and read me books until I calmed down. I still remember that because I thought he was going to be mad that I woke him up--but to this day he has never said anything about it. Now he's working 4 jobs to put me through college and even though I've told him it's not necessary, he does it anyways. And yet, even with working at 4 different hospitals as a paramedic, he still finds time for me when I'm home. Whether it's going out to eat for lunch or just talking--he always finds time. Thanks dad--You're the best.

Hard Things About Being a Teacher...

This just popped into my head and I wanted to reflect on it a little bit. Bare with me as I'm a bit emotional right now-(yeah, hormones..gotta love em) so if it sounds sappy, it's not meant to be...

1. Losing a child to death, illness, or even a family move.
It's tough when you lose a student. I lost one of my student to a car accident last year. He was 3. That whole day at school I was numb, I felt like I was going through the motions but I wasn't really there. He was a sweetheart. He always had a baseball cap on and he walked with a little country swagger with 4 fingers in his pocket and his thumb hanging out. He was one of our best sleepers and he just did his own thing. He got along with everybody and I never saw this kid pick a fight or even take part in one.

2. Not being able to reach a child due to varying circumstances.
Whenever I think of this one it brings a whole bunch of emotions to the surface. I think of the 3 1/2 year old I had that couldn't talk. He spoke in broken syllables and most of the time he didn't make sense to us. He would get so frustrated because we didn't understand him and I felt so bad because I knew he wanted something and he was trying his hardest to communicate with us but he just couldn't get the message across.

3. Not being able to protect a child from abuse.
This one hits home with me. I was abused as a child for many years and I witnessed my sister being beaten more then once at the hands of my mother. I have had one run in with child abuse and it was a horrible case of it. For confidentiality reasons I can't go into detail but the two children who were involved-(they were both under 4 years of age) were so developmentally behind do to the neglect and abuse that they had to be moved to completely different classrooms to meet their learning needs. That was the one and only time that I felt that I was truly going to yell at a parent. When their parents came to pick them up I felt like I was going to throw up. Thanks to Child Protection Services dragging their feet I was forced to send these 2 children home with the very people who were beating them. After I left work that night I went home and cried myself to sleep. It's a horrible, horrible feeling to send children back into a place where you know that they are being beaten but yet you cannot do anything about it because it is "out of your hands."

Those are my top 3 hardest things about being a teacher. The second one isn't as intense as 1 & 3 but it's hard to see a child try so hard and still not be able to accomplish what they set out to do.