Thursday, March 09, 2006

Homosexuality and Schools...

I am reluctant to write this post because of the responses I may receive. However, I feel that it is necessary to write this post because many more homosexuals are having children either through adoption/artificial insemination/surrogacy. I currently have one student who has 2 mommy's, and I'm fairly certain that I will have many more students with either 2 mommy's or 2 daddies in the future.

I'm concerned about a strong reluctance to recognize homosexuality in the schools in this area. I don't know about other school systems so I'm just going to talk about the schools in this area because I know the general mind set at them. Though most all the teachers I have worked with do not say "he's different because he has gay/lesbian parents." I did hear one of my co-workers, in response to my comment about a new students behavior, "well he does have 2 mom's you know." as though that was a reason for the students behavior. I'm not saying that in some children, not being 'like the other kids'-(whatever that is these days)-having 2 moms or 2 dads does not cause conflicting feelings at certain periods in their lives. But I do not believe that a child with gay/lesbian parents are any worse, or better, off than children who have a mom and a dad or are being raised by only 1 parent. I firmly believe that parents can be good parents, or poor parents-regardless of their sexual orientation.

My concern is for the children. In schools teachers recognize and step in when there is an issue between children based on race-("I don't want to sit by her because she's black"), age-("I'm not playing with a kindergartener!"), gender-("But Ms. Jen, she's a girl!"), or disability-("he can't play basketball because he's in a wheelchair.") All of those quotes are from my 2nd graders this school year. A teacher initiated and guided a class discussion about acceptance when these comments, and many others, were made. My question is where are these teachers when a child is being singled out/picked on by other children-(or teachers, which does happen)-because they have 2 moms or 2 dads.

I have a few of my own ideas about why teacher do not step in/promote acceptance about homosexuality. The one that I think carries the most weight in schools here is below.

1. It is not acceptable to talk about homosexuality in schools. I'm not promoting having a full out genetic, moral, or otherwise way too advanced talk with elementary school children. But I think that, just as in adopting or children from single parent families, it should be discussed the same way. "Not all families are the same. Some children have just a mom or a dad, some children have a mom and a dad, some children are adopted, and some children have 2 moms or 2 dads." Many parents of students have a problem with this though. Why, I'm not 100% sure. But I also have parents of students who will not let their children play with children of divorced parents-(swear to you a parent told me this last year.) Perhaps the teachers own shallow, narrow minded view is influencing their feelings about the child/children. Maybe teachers are fearful of being fired or reprimanded for promoting what, in many communities, is seen as unacceptable behavior. Or certain people are nervous about families that are different from theirs. Another explanation may be that parents aren't sure how they feel because they have never been in a situation where they are required to think about how they feel about homosexuality and children of homosexuals. Whatever the reason may be, many teachers are reluctant to deal with events that stem from a child having homosexual parents.

That's a small portion of my view. I just want to leave you with one thing that is very important to me. It is also something that I feel should be important to all teachers of children:

Children are very perceptive. They notice things that adults do not think twice about. They hear everything, even if you do not think they do. Many people, when they feel something is unacceptable-(such as homosexuality)-talk about it to other people. Being human, we tend to seek out people whom we either know or think feel the same way we do. Think about it, if you feel strongly about something, you talk to people who you can trust and often times, who feel the same way you do. Teachers do it often, as do many other people in many other professions. The way you feel about something can influence how you react to certain people, including children. Many people, teachers included, react to children of homosexual parents in a certain way based on what his/her parents sexual orientation. This reaction can influence other children in that teachers class to react to that child in the same way. In effect, the child is being singled out for something that the child never chose for himself/herself. Think about how that child feels. So if you are a teacher, and you have a child who is being singled out in your class, for whatever reason---look at yourself first. Look at how you are responding to that child, maybe your students are just mimicking what you are doing.

Okay, I'm off my soap box now.

3 Comments:

Blogger Judy said...

Wow - this has never even crossed my mind, probably because I teach either VERY young (preschool) children who don't grasp the concept of two mommies/daddies yet or because I have taught much older kids (8th grade and up) where it is past being an issue.

Without being in a position to have to confront such an issue, I would probably handle it much the same way I handle the other "issues" you put forth - race, gender, etc. What a person "is" to society does not make them any lesser of a person inside. Whether you are a girl with two daddies or a child who is purple with 3 ears, you are still a lovable child in my class and will be treated with respect. And, that is the expectation of everyone in my classroom.

8:04 AM  
Blogger Sapc Praise Team Director said...

Where I work, our kids' families are so broken that some kids have been through two or three dads or moms. It's hard to tell when a kid says "I have two mommies," whether they are talking about stepparents or something else. Most of our kid's families are so bad at home, that I try not to even use the words "Mommy" and "Daddy" when I talk to them...there are too many who have parents who have either left them, been sent to jail, or they've never known.

That being said, I see a lot of homophobia in the faculty where I work which disturbs me. I don't know for sure whether they treat effeminate boys differently in class, but they definitely talk about them differently behind their backs.

{sigh} I could write a book of rants on this subject.

We're all equally strange!! Rejoice in our oddities!!!!

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel lucky, my kids, from the youngest age, have known kids with two same-sex parents, and it's never been a big deal. Also there are a few teachers in their elementary school who are in same-sex relationships, and fortunately the environment has been very open, there's been no issue (apart from a few parents who grumbled). Because these are the most wonderful, creative, and all out best teachers my kids have ever had.

So for my kids, and the kids of same-sex parents at their school, it's not been a problem. But I can see that in lots of places in the USA it would be awful to be in that situation.

I think things are changing though, because surveys show younger people are much more open to and accepting of same-sex marriage. Let's hope that trend continues.

9:40 AM  

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