Confidence

I've noticed something weird lately. I am not as confident as I used to be. Now, I've never really been an over-confident person but last semester at school I generally felt that I had a handle on things. When I would take an exam I was confident going into it that I knew the information and would do well on the exam. Most times I would do fairly well on the exams and every once and awhile I would do better then I expected. This semester though I am questioning myself more. I go into exams feeling under-studied and no where near as prepared as I should be. I don't speak up in class even though I know the answer for the fear that I might be wrong. So today, I sat down and thought about it, where this lack of confidence is coming from. After mulling over it for awhile I realized that I become less confident in myself after I've been home for awhile. I spent almost 3 months at home with my mother last year before coming back to school and, though my mother is not a bad person, she definately is not one to lift you up.

Now, that being said....I'm trying to figure out what to do. I'm not sure if I should just let it go and hope that the confidence will come back if I just give it time....or do something else. If I should do something else, then I need to figure out what to do. I mean, obviously I can start by speaking up in class more and not questioning myself more but what if that doesn't work? And if it does work, what happens when I go home again? How do I prevent this from happening again?

It's just amazing to me how one person can change the way you look at yourself and feel about yourself in a short period of time. I mean, I know that she's never going to think I'm good enough, or I tried hard enough, or that I deserve the things that I have earned. But knowing that stuff doesn't seem to change the way I feel. It still effects me, as much as I try to deny that it does, I know it does--the people around me know it does, and she probably knows it does too. Just something to think about for the week I guess. Happy SuperBowl Sunday!