Feelings, Stress, and Other Random Stuff

Do you ever get the feeling that you're just not good enough? Everyday when I walk into work I have all intentions of doing well and being a good teacher and treating the kids with the respect and dignity that every person on this earth deserves. Then certain kids-(or teachers)-keep pushing and pushing until I snap. I get to a point sometimes where I just feel like I'm not good enough to be a teacher, girlfriend, daughter, roommate or student. That's kind of where I'm at right now. I'm feeling very down, very out of it. All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep. I don't want to get up tomorrow to go to work. I don't even want to be there. I love the kids, my boss is wonderful, and I really do enjoy working there. But I just don't feel that I'm good enough to be there.

I guess it might be because it was not a good day today at work. I generally do a lot of extra things at work just to take the workload off of the other teachers because I know how it can be when you have a million things to do in a small amount of time. One of the teachers today went to go get her lunch so in addition to washing and setting the tables, like I always do for lunchtime, I took the time to go through all of the children's lunches-(18 of them)-and put out what needed to be heated up so that when the teacher who went to go get her lunch got back, all she had to do was throw them in the microwave and not worry about going through all the lunchboxes. Well, I missed one. I opened it and I didn't see the item that needed to be heated up. It was a simple mistake, I was in a hurry, and I just missed it altogether. Well, this particular teacher started in on me with comments like "God Jen, way to miss one." and other shit like that. I snapped. It had been a long morning, I was the only one on the floor from 7-9am. I was tired, and lunchtime is always stressful because we're always rushing to get things out on time because the kids are usually starving by noon.

I don't want to go in tomorrow. I don't want to face my boss because I know I shouldn't have snapped, I don't want to face this teacher because I'm still aggravated over the whole thing. And another thing, this incident with this teacher is not an isolated incident. Every day she's there-(3 days a week) she makes some kind of rude, sarcastic, or totally unnecessary comment and I really just can't handle it anymore.

I'm stressed out like hell because I've got exams coming up, plus moving, summer school, and trying to find a job. I need a soft place to fall and I don't have one. I feel like the more I search for a soft place to fall, the further away from it I get. Sometimes you just need a shoulder, or somewhere to relax. At the moment, I don't have one. Any ideas?